(Minghui.org) My heart used to ache every time I read the section “The Mentality of Showing Off” in Lecture Six of Zhuan Falun because I had difficulty eliminating this strong attachment. I always paid attention to what I said, but my words had the mentality of showing off imbued in them.
For example, when someone said, “Your clothes are attractive,” I told the person proudly that my son brought me the clothes, how much he spent, where the clothing was purchased, what brand it was, etc. My words meant to show that I had a good son who bought me expensive clothes.
When other practitioners experienced sickness karma, I told them how well I analyzed their situation. My goal was to show that I studied the Fa well, had good enlightenment quality and strong righteous thoughts.
Another practitioner once told me that a person kept shaking his head when he heard another practitioner clarify the truth. I interrupted her and told her how I successfully clarified the truth. I wanted to show that I was educated and articulate.
When someone said I was good with computers, I told them that I had been using computers at work years ago. My intenstion was to show that I wasn’t an ordinary worker.
When someone said I studied the Fa well, I felt pleased and told them that I often gave speeches at work since I was so capable.
When someone told me that I wrote a good article and that my handwriting looked good, I said proudly that I graduated from the Second Normal University where I received training on writing and art, and that my handwriting couldn’t be too bad after doing communication work in my university and workplace for years. Every word I said was meant to show off.
It’s just like Master pointed out in his teaching,“It’s become natural for them. Maybe they’re doing it unknowingly, and they just have showing off in their subconscious.” (The Sixth Talk, Zhuan Falun)
I started paying attention before I spoke to see if my words were meant to show off.
One day after I left our Fa study, my left ankle suddenly began to hurt. I wondered what happened because I didn’t twist it. I reflected on what I said that morning, and I remembered a conversation. When one practitioner mentioned that another practitioner was able to get on the Minghui website and print truth-clarification materials, I told everyone that I showed her how, and since she was not well-educated, it was not easy to teach her.
Ah! Wasn’t I showing off? I said, “Master, I was wrong.” I regretted it so much that I stomped my foot. To my surprise, my ankle stopped hurting. I had been in pain for 40 minutes, but as soon as I had the realization the pain disappeared! Oh, it was a false appearance, aimed to help me remove my attachment to showing off. I was happy to recognize it.
Another day I had a toothache. I thought my denture might need re-adjustment. Thinking dentures got looser as they were adjusted, I didn’t go to a dentist right away. After a week the pain intensified. I could hardly open my mouth. I didn’t know what to do. It suddenly dawned on me that I viewed this problem like an ordinary person. Shouldn’t a Dafa practitioner view things from the perspective of the Fa and look within? Haven’t I failed to cultivate my speech yet again?
I remember one day when my husband shouted at me, “How come you are so selfish? What has Master taught you?” I immediately snapped back, “Your teacher told you to go to Qinghua University. Have you?” He stared at me with his mouth wide open. I thought, “How could you get the upper hand on me, given your level?” I didn’t treat myself as a cultivator at that time and fought him in an overbearing manner. I even told a fellow practitioner about the incident later to show off my dominance.
I was stunned by what I found when looking within. When I found my attachment to showing off and the competitive mentality, my toothache was gone within a second. How amazing and wonderful!
I realized that no matter what happens to us it’s a good thing because it reminds us to look within and improve our xinxing and cultivation improves.
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Category: Improving Oneself
